Bits of plastic...
The meal over and we are on to the unfunny compare... he thinks he's funny but its pretty few and far between. So much so that in the first 10 minutes he has repeated 4 of the jokes. We all guess that our entry fee didn't go on the entertainment...
Then its the official welcoming and straight in to the first awards of the night - Best Screenplay. The short filmmakers are relaxed, serene even, bathing in our adrenaline pools that will turn to jacuzzis once we are into the Short awards... And the winner is... Its a short film!!! The Director stays seated... he thinks its a mistake and then goes up when prompted. He is literally stunned as he explains that he didn't even realise they were in that category as they are a short film...
The atmosphere of the room changes considerably as the balance changes... the shorts are being held in the same esteem as features - its unheard of and it has unsettled the whole room as heartbeats are increased knowing that anything is up for grabs. Wine glasses (all paid for) are skulled by short filmmakers, their arms shooting back like pistons. On to the next category - Best Editing... and the award goes to... No one. Nothing is said, that's strange. Maybe the mike cut out or the envelope was blank because at this stage there is no sound. There is however a bunch of people slapping me on the back and pulling my chair out for me - apparently we just won, except it didn't sink in, compute, or even register in my meagre little brain...
Its a weird feeling as I walk up to get the Award (for our editor) and stumble onto the stage. My mouth opens but I think I just kind of chew my tongue and make garbled noises. I mumble something about being shocked and then pick up the muster to praise our editor and what a wonderful job she did, and then... the website!!! Damnit the website!! I remember this time and tell them to visit the website to buy a DVD, help us get our budget back and see the wonderful editing... they laugh but then everyone laughs at these things, no matter what you say... it will do, it was in english and barely comprehensible but it will do, I make my exit and float back to the table like a bowl of jelly. Its weird but the whole place has changed as it is now realised that the short films are getting some serious hits in.
The next award - Audience Award and it goes to... Brad's film - woohoo!! another plastic award comes back to table number 12. Next - Best Animation goes to... an australian short film !! Holy shit - 2 aussie awards!! The night just escalates as a screenwriter at our table picks up an award... 12 is the lucky number. We relax, Brad and I know that we are done for the night as we have an award each and that will do us just fine. The awards get dished out to numerous films and the atmosphere has lifted to a crescendo just as we reach 'the big four' - The Jury Prizes... Best Feature, Best Doco, Best Short and the Special Jury Prize. Best Doco goes to a crowd pleaser, all the docos were good so it was a win win situation. Best Feature goes to the audience favourite also so the night is finishing on a high. Then Best Short - our table has already laid bets on where it will be going...
And the award goes too... damn that microphone as it cuts out for a second time except... holy shit!! that means we won right? I heard it this time though, it sank in, computed but also sucked the marrow right out from my legs and I can't get up. Its amazing how your body reacts to such stupid little things but hey, I take a breath and stumble up to stage again.
I am grinning so much at this point that I fit right in with the Beverly Hills set - eyes squinted, skin pinned back to my ears and neck stretched.
I don't know who to thank at first so I opt for the festival panel and directors. I'm alone, no one to celebrate with so I end up thanking table number 12 for providing intelligent conversation for the night, I thank the model handing out the awards for choosing to wear such a low neckline on her dress - they are laughing but I am rambling. The rest is a blur until I decide to finish by 'thanking the academy' - there are a couple of frowns until I tell them that "I know they aren't here but I've always wanted to say that..."....
As I sit back down to the table I have aged 5 years, lost 2 stone in weight and realised that I should never, never be allowed to talk to a crowd again. It shouldn't be this hard, this should have been a breeze to handle but it was torture, both for me and the audience.
That said - a feeling of elation took over and the nights proceedings moved onto the Crescent Hotel where people congratulated, sneered, celebrated and commiserated. Milli and Vanilli were there, Vanilli no longer as cold as before and telling me she was interested in whatever project I am doing next (only an hour earlier she had admitted to not have even seen the short). Amazing how a piece of plastic can change peoples minds?
I get as drunk as my other piece of plastic will allow me before the credit runs out and get a lift back to my last night of sleep in L.A.
Then its the official welcoming and straight in to the first awards of the night - Best Screenplay. The short filmmakers are relaxed, serene even, bathing in our adrenaline pools that will turn to jacuzzis once we are into the Short awards... And the winner is... Its a short film!!! The Director stays seated... he thinks its a mistake and then goes up when prompted. He is literally stunned as he explains that he didn't even realise they were in that category as they are a short film...
The atmosphere of the room changes considerably as the balance changes... the shorts are being held in the same esteem as features - its unheard of and it has unsettled the whole room as heartbeats are increased knowing that anything is up for grabs. Wine glasses (all paid for) are skulled by short filmmakers, their arms shooting back like pistons. On to the next category - Best Editing... and the award goes to... No one. Nothing is said, that's strange. Maybe the mike cut out or the envelope was blank because at this stage there is no sound. There is however a bunch of people slapping me on the back and pulling my chair out for me - apparently we just won, except it didn't sink in, compute, or even register in my meagre little brain...
Its a weird feeling as I walk up to get the Award (for our editor) and stumble onto the stage. My mouth opens but I think I just kind of chew my tongue and make garbled noises. I mumble something about being shocked and then pick up the muster to praise our editor and what a wonderful job she did, and then... the website!!! Damnit the website!! I remember this time and tell them to visit the website to buy a DVD, help us get our budget back and see the wonderful editing... they laugh but then everyone laughs at these things, no matter what you say... it will do, it was in english and barely comprehensible but it will do, I make my exit and float back to the table like a bowl of jelly. Its weird but the whole place has changed as it is now realised that the short films are getting some serious hits in.
The next award - Audience Award and it goes to... Brad's film - woohoo!! another plastic award comes back to table number 12. Next - Best Animation goes to... an australian short film !! Holy shit - 2 aussie awards!! The night just escalates as a screenwriter at our table picks up an award... 12 is the lucky number. We relax, Brad and I know that we are done for the night as we have an award each and that will do us just fine. The awards get dished out to numerous films and the atmosphere has lifted to a crescendo just as we reach 'the big four' - The Jury Prizes... Best Feature, Best Doco, Best Short and the Special Jury Prize. Best Doco goes to a crowd pleaser, all the docos were good so it was a win win situation. Best Feature goes to the audience favourite also so the night is finishing on a high. Then Best Short - our table has already laid bets on where it will be going...
And the award goes too... damn that microphone as it cuts out for a second time except... holy shit!! that means we won right? I heard it this time though, it sank in, computed but also sucked the marrow right out from my legs and I can't get up. Its amazing how your body reacts to such stupid little things but hey, I take a breath and stumble up to stage again.
I am grinning so much at this point that I fit right in with the Beverly Hills set - eyes squinted, skin pinned back to my ears and neck stretched.
I don't know who to thank at first so I opt for the festival panel and directors. I'm alone, no one to celebrate with so I end up thanking table number 12 for providing intelligent conversation for the night, I thank the model handing out the awards for choosing to wear such a low neckline on her dress - they are laughing but I am rambling. The rest is a blur until I decide to finish by 'thanking the academy' - there are a couple of frowns until I tell them that "I know they aren't here but I've always wanted to say that..."....
As I sit back down to the table I have aged 5 years, lost 2 stone in weight and realised that I should never, never be allowed to talk to a crowd again. It shouldn't be this hard, this should have been a breeze to handle but it was torture, both for me and the audience.
That said - a feeling of elation took over and the nights proceedings moved onto the Crescent Hotel where people congratulated, sneered, celebrated and commiserated. Milli and Vanilli were there, Vanilli no longer as cold as before and telling me she was interested in whatever project I am doing next (only an hour earlier she had admitted to not have even seen the short). Amazing how a piece of plastic can change peoples minds?
I get as drunk as my other piece of plastic will allow me before the credit runs out and get a lift back to my last night of sleep in L.A.
posted by brother | 9:09 PM
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